So - I've thought about writing up something about becoming a mom for a while. About how every part, from pregnancy to holding this little babe, has changed every cell in my body. I want to tell everyone how blessed we were for an easy pregnancy, a peaceful delivery, and now the sweetest babe. But I can't seem to be okay putting her down long enough to get the words written, so I will leave you with this.
Motherhood is 100% from the Lord.
He is in control and all the fears, all the stories you hear, all the technical terms you don't understand do not matter. Your heart will melt and be molded back in a way you never imagined. Before I would have told you my purpose in life was to love people well and to use my talents as a creative person to show the gospel. Now, I know without a doubt I was created to be a mom. I was made to love that soft skin under her chin, the little toes that curl when you touch them, to pray for her smile to lead others to Christ.
This love is a reckless love.
A love that makes no sense.
A love that makes me want to drop everything just to sit and look at her.
I write this with tears in my eyes, because when I think of how much I am able to love this little 2 month old baby girl and that I can't put it in to words that she will every understand, I realize that is how our God loves us. He loves us in a way that no words or song will ever be able to explain. My heart may have been reshaped as a mother, but I still can't comprehend the magnitude of His love. His love for me, for Langdon Jo. His love is more than this love that makes me want to explode, and that is unimaginable. How? how can He love so much? how is it possible to love someone more than I love this new little girl?
Thank you Lord for your overwhelming, never ending, reckless love.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to see just a glimpse of what that love feels like.